It grieved me to the
heart, even in the rout of our enemies, to see the slaughter of them;
and even in the fight, to hear a man cry for quarter in English, moved
me to a compassion which I had never been used to; nay, sometimes
it looked to me as if some of my own men had been beaten; and when
I heard a soldier cry, "O God, I am shot," I looked behind me to see
which of my own troop was fallen. Here I saw myself at the cutting of
the throats of my friends; and indeed some of my near relations. My
old comrades and fellow-soldiers in Germany were some with us, some
against us, as their opinions happened to differ in religion. For my
part, I confess I had not much religion in me, at that time; but I
thought religion rightly practised on both sides would have made us
all better friends; and therefore sometimes I began to think, that
both the bishops of our side, and the preachers on theirs, made
religion rather the pretence than the cause of the war. And from those
thoughts I vigorously argued it at the council of war against marching
to Brentford, while the address for a treaty of peace from the
Parliament was in hand: for I was for taking the Parliament by the
handle which they had given us, and entering into a negotiation, with
the advantage of its being at their own request.
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