During that fortnight, Vavasor developed
not merely elements of which he had had no previous consciousness, but
elements in whose existence he could not be said to have really
believed. He believed in them the less in fact that he had affected
their existence in himself, and thought he possessed what there was of
them to be possessed. The most remarkable event at once of his inner and
outer history, and the only one that must have seemed almost incredible
to those who knew him best, was, that one morning he got up in time to
see, and for the purpose of seeing, the sun rise. I hardly expect to be
believed when I tell the fact! I am not so much surprised that he formed
the resolution the night before. Something Hester said is enough to
account for that. But that a man like him should already have got on so
far as, in the sleepiness of the morning, to keep the resolve he had
come to in the wakefulness of the preceding night, fills me with
astonishment. It was a great stride forward. Nor was this all: he really
enjoyed it! I do not merely mean that, as a victorious man, he enjoyed
the conquest of himself when the struggle was over, attributing to it
more heroism than it could rightly claim; nor yet that, as any young
human animal may, he enjoyed the clear invigorating clean air that
filled his lungs like a new gift of life and strength.
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