And what is the result I draw from this? This simple one--that, of all men
living, I am the most qualified to be a CRITIC, and hereby offer myself to
your notice in that capacity.
Recollect, I am always at Home--Fleet Prison, Letter L, fourth staircase,
paupers'-ward--for a guinea, and a bottle of Hodges' Cordial, I will do
anything. I will, for that sum, cheerfully abuse my own father or mother. I
can smash Shakspeare; I can prove Milton to be a driveller, or the
contrary: but, for preference, take, as I have said, the abusive line.
Send me over then, Mr. P., any person's works whose sacrifice you may
require. I will cut him up, sir; I will flay him--flagellate him--finish
him! You had better not send me (unless you have a private grudge against
the authors, when I am of course at your service)--you had better not send
me any works of real merit; for I am infallibly prepared to show that there
is not any merit in them. I have not been one of the great unread for
forty-three years, without turning my misfortunes to some account. Sir, I
know how to make use of my adversity. I have been accused, and rightfully
too, of swindling, forgery, and slander.
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