* * * * *
"Well I'm Blowed!"
As the _omelette soufflee_ said to the cook.
* * * * *
[Illustration: AT THE SARATOGA CONVENTION.
_Horace Greeley, (to Roscoe Conkling.)_ "DON'T BE RASH, NOW REMEMBER
THAT A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY WRATH."
_Roscoe Conkling_. "LET US HAVE PEACE, BY ALL MEANS: BUT IF THAT FELLOW
REUBE FENTON INTERFERES WITH ME, HE HAD BETTER LOOK OUT THAT I DON'T
SMASH HIS SLATE."]
* * * * *
HIRAM GREEN TO NAPOLEON.
Napoleon I and Napoleon III--Lager-Beer a Formidable Enemy to Overcome.
SKEENSBORO, NYE ONTO VARMONT,
_Orgust--, 18-Seventy._
FRIEND LEWIS: As I haint got no anser to my last letter which I rote to
your royal magesty a few weeks ago, it has occurred to me, that maybe
you don't feel well about these days, or, just as like as not our
"Cousin German," FRITZ, mite have been mean enuff as to gobble up your
male bag, and steel my letter to put into his outograf album. I now take
my pen in hand to inform you, that Ime as sound as a Saddle Rock oyster,
and hope these few lines may find you enjoyin' the same blessin.
Numerous changes have taken place since your _grand invasion_ of German
sile.
It has certinly been very kind in your Dutch friends to save you a long
jerney to fite them.
Insted of puttin' you to the trouble of goin' away from home for a
little excitement, you can set rite in the heart of your own country,
and enjoy the fun.
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