We lived so constantly together that it is surprising
that Clarence contrived to give the letter to Emily in private. She
implored him to say nothing to us, and brought him the next day her
letter of uncompromising refusal.
He asked whether it would have been the same if he had intended to
remain at home.
'As if you were a woman, you conceited fellow,' was all the answer
she vouchsafed him.
Nor could he ascertain, nor perhaps would she herself examine, on
which side lay her heart of hearts. The proof had come whether she
would abide by her pledge to him to accept the care of us in his
absence. When he asked it, it had not occurred to him that it might
be a renunciation of marriage. Now he perceived that so it had
been, but she kept her counsel and so did he. We others never
guessed at what was going on between those two.
CHAPTER XLIV--PAYING THE COST
'But oh! the difference to me.'
WORDSWORTH.
So Clarence was gone, and our new life begun in its changed aspect.
Emily showed an almost feverish eagerness to make it busy and
cheerful, getting up a sewing class in the village, resuming the
study of Greek, grappling with the natural system in botany, all of
which had been fitfully proposed but hindered by interruptions and
my father's feebleness.
On a suggestion of Mr. Stafford's, we set to work on that History of
Letter Writing which, what with collecting materials, and making
translations, lasted us three years altogether, and was a great
resource and pleasure, besides ultimately bringing in a fraction
towards the great purpose.
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