Surely butter must cloy, though your friends do the churning--
You are _not_ the whole world, though you did win a tanner;
And _Punch_ thinks it well, when your head has done turning,
You should turn a new leaf, and just soften your manner.
* * * * *
RAILWAY TIME-TABLE. APPLICABLE ALL THE YEAR ROUND.
6 Cabs--full of Passengers = 1 Dawdling Porter.
12 Dawdling Porters = 1 Train's Start.
2 Trains' Starts = 1 Danger Signal.
2 Danger Signals = 1 Stoppage on the Line.
3 Stoppages on the Line = 1 Late Arrival.
24 Late Arrivals = 1 Day's Unpunctuality.
365 Days' Unpunctuality = 1 Patient Public's Useless Grumble.
* * * * *
A Murderous Game.--(_Example of "Beneficent Murder."_)--Taking a Life
at Pool.
* * * * *
[Illustration: INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS.
"HOW GOOD OF YOU TO COME, DOCTOR. I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU THIS MORNING."
"NO, BUT I WAS CALLED TO YOUR OPPOSITE NEIGHBOUR, POOR MRS. BROWN, AND
THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE."]
* * * * *
THE BETTER THE DAY, THE BETTER THE TALK!
SCENE--_Any fashionable Watering Place where "Church Parade"
is a recognised institution. TIME--Sunday, 1 P.M. Enter
BROWN and Mrs. BROWN, who take chairs._
_Mrs. Brown_. Good Gracious! Look another way! Those odious people,
the STIGGINGSES, are coming towards us!
_Brown_.
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