"I suppose," he began and stopped short.
He heard Sir Richmond move in his chair, creaking an interrogation.
"You have never," said the doctor, "turned to the idea of God?"
Sir Richmond grunted and made no other answer for the better part of a
minute.
As Dr. Martineau waited for his companion to speak, a falling star
streaked the deep blue above them.
"I can't believe in a God," said Sir Richmond.
"Something after the fashion of a God," said the doctor insidiously.
"No," said Sir Richmond. "Nothing that reassures."
"But this loneliness, this craving for companionship...."
"We have all been through that," said Sir Richmond. "We have all in our
time lain very still in the darkness with our souls crying out for the
fellowship of God, demanding some sign, some personal response. The
faintest feeling of assurance would have satisfied us."
"And there has never been a response?"
"Have YOU ever had a response?"
"Once I seemed to have a feeling of exaltation and security."
"Well?"
"Perhaps I only persuaded myself that I had. I had been reading
William James on religious experiences and I was thinking very much of
Conversion. I tried to experience Conversion...."
"Yes?"
"It faded."
"It always fades," said Sir Richmond with anger in his voice.
Pages:
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103