Not, I am thankful to
say, that I have the faintest doubts about the Church of England, and
I could subscribe cordially to every one of the thirty-nine articles
which do indeed appear to me to be the _ne plus ultra_ of human
wisdom, and Paley, too, leaves no loop-hole for an opponent; but I am
sure I should be running counter to your wishes if I were to conceal
from you that I do not feel the inward call to be a minister of the
gospel that I shall have to say I have felt when the Bishop ordains
me. I try to get this feeling, I pray for it earnestly, and sometimes
half think that I have got it, but in a little time it wears off, and
though I have no absolute repugnance to being a clergyman and trust
that if I am one I shall endeavour to live to the Glory of God and to
advance His interests upon earth, yet I feel that something more than
this is wanted before I am fully justified in going into the Church. I
am aware that I have been a great expense to you in spite of my
scholarships, but you have ever taught me that I should obey my
conscience, and my conscience tells me I should do wrong if I became a
clergyman.
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