Then things began to shape themselves more definitely. Whatever happened
he would be a clergyman no longer. It would have been practically
impossible for him to have found another curacy, even if he had been so
minded, but he was not so minded. He hated the life he had been leading
ever since he had begun to read for orders; he could not argue about it,
but simply he loathed it and would have no more of it. As he dwelt on
the prospect of becoming a layman again, however disgraced, he rejoiced
at what had befallen him, and found a blessing in this very imprisonment
which had at first seemed such an unspeakable misfortune.
Perhaps the shock of so great a change in his surroundings had
accelerated changes in his opinions, just as the cocoons of silkworms,
when sent in baskets by rail, hatch before their time through the novelty
of heat and jolting. But however this may be, his belief in the stories
concerning the Death, Resurrection and Ascension of Jesus Christ, and
hence his faith in all the other Christian miracles, had dropped off him
once and for ever. The investigation he had made in consequence of Mr
Shaw's rebuke, hurried though it was, had left a deep impression upon
him, and now he was well enough to read he made the New Testament his
chief study, going through it in the spirit which Mr Shaw had desired of
him, that is to say as one who wished neither to believe nor disbelieve,
but cared only about finding out whether he ought to believe or no.
Pages:
453
454
455
456
457
458
459
460
461
462
463
464
465
466
467
468
469
470
471
472
473
474
475
476
477