They had been the first to say that he ought to run such a race;
they would also be the first to trip him up if he took them at their
word, and then afterwards upbraid him for not having won. Achievement of
any kind would be impossible for him unless he was free from those who
would be for ever dragging him back into the conventional. The
conventional had been tried already and had been found wanting.
He had an opportunity now, if he chose to take it, of escaping once for
all from those who at once tormented him and would hold him earthward
should a chance of soaring open before him. He should never have had it
but for his imprisonment; but for this the force of habit and routine
would have been too strong for him; he should hardly have had it if he
had not lost all his money; the gap would not have been so wide but that
he might have been inclined to throw a plank across it. He rejoiced now,
therefore, over his loss of money as well as over his imprisonment, which
had made it more easy for him to follow his truest and most lasting
interests.
At times he wavered, when he thought of how his mother, who in her way,
as he thought, had loved him, would weep and think sadly over him, or how
perhaps she might even fall ill and die, and how the blame would rest
with him.
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