In marrying Ellen he had meant to
avoid a life of sin, and to take the course he believed to be moral and
right. With his antecedents and surroundings it was the most natural
thing in the world for him to have done, yet in what a frightful position
had not his morality landed him. Could any amount of immorality have
placed him in a much worse one? What was morality worth if it was not
that which on the whole brought a man peace at the last, and could anyone
have reasonable certainty that marriage would do this? It seemed to him
that in his attempt to be moral he had been following a devil which had
disguised itself as an angel of light. But if so, what ground was there
on which a man might rest the sole of his foot and tread in reasonable
safety?
He was still too young to reach the answer, "On common sense"--an answer
which he would have felt to be unworthy of anyone who had an ideal
standard.
However this might be, it was plain that he had now done for himself. It
had been thus with him all his life. If there had come at any time a
gleam of sunshine and hope, it was to be obscured immediately--why,
prison was happier than this! There, at any rate, he had had no money
anxieties, and these were beginning to weigh upon him now with all their
horrors.
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