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Butler, Samuel, 1835-1902

"The Way of All Flesh"

I
should prescribe for Mr Pontifex a course of the larger mammals. Don't
let him think he is taking them medicinally, but let him go to their
house twice a week for a fortnight, and stay with the hippopotamus, the
rhinoceros, and the elephants, till they begin to bore him. I find these
beasts do my patients more good than any others. The monkeys are not a
wide enough cross; they do not stimulate sufficiently. The larger
carnivora are unsympathetic. The reptiles are worse than useless, and
the marsupials are not much better. Birds again, except parrots, are not
very beneficial; he may look at them now and again, but with the
elephants and the pig tribe generally he should mix just now as freely as
possible.
"Then, you know, to prevent monotony I should send him, say, to morning
service at the Abbey before he goes. He need not stay longer than the
_Te Deum_. I don't know why, but _Jubilates_ are seldom satisfactory.
Just let him look in at the Abbey, and sit quietly in Poets' Corner till
the main part of the music is over. Let him do this two or three times,
not more, before he goes to the Zoo.
"Then next day send him down to Gravesend by boat.


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