She said she knew she had not given up all for Christ's sake; it was this
that weighed upon her. She had given up much, and had always tried to
give up more year by year, still she knew very well that she had not been
so spiritually minded as she ought to have been. If she had, she should
probably have been favoured with some direct vision or communication;
whereas, though God had vouchsafed such direct and visible angelic visits
to one of her dear children, yet she had had none such herself--nor even
had Theobald.
She was talking rather to herself than to Ernest as she said these words,
but they made him open his ears. He wanted to know whether the angel had
appeared to Joey or to Charlotte. He asked his mother, but she seemed
surprised, as though she expected him to know all about it, then, as if
she remembered, she checked herself and said, "Ah! yes--you know nothing
of all this, and perhaps it is as well." Ernest could not of course
press the subject, so he never found out which of his near relations it
was who had had direct communication with an immortal. The others never
said anything to him about it, though whether this was because they were
ashamed, or because they feared he would not believe the story and thus
increase his own damnation, he could not determine.
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