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Begbie, Harold, 1871-1929

"The Bed-Book of Happiness"

It signifies something
mean and defective; and in the following history, told to me by a
clerical friend, it refers to an attenuated and bony female. When a
curate in a remote country parish, he took a raw village lad into his
service, to train him for some better place; and, when his education was
sufficiently advanced, and he had made some progress in the art of
writing, he was permitted to accompany his master to a large
dinner-party given by a neighbouring squire. Next morning he
communicated his experiences to the housekeeper, and she treacherously
repeated them to my friend. "'Oh,' he said, 'it just wor' grand. Me and
t'other gentlemen in livery we stood i' th' 'all, and they flung open
folding-doors, and out comes the quality tu and tu, harm i' harm, all
a-talking and a-grinning, and as smart as ninepence. I wor' quite
surprised at mestur. He come out last of all, with a _skimpy_old woman.
I should say she wor' sisty off, and there were squire's daughter,
looking as bewtifle as bewtifle, and dressed up as gay as waxwork. I
never made no mistake, except giving one gentleman mustard wrong side,
and just a drop or so o' gravy down a hunbeknown young lady's back.'" I
have reached the length of my tether, and will go no longer a-_tweing_
after words, lest I put my readers in a _tiff_, and leave them in a
_tantrum_.


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