Some well-meaning Rube had tipped his mitt to the town marshal,
and that worthy cluck had stretched a rope from the blacksmith shop to
the corner of the livery stable, so naturally we had to pause. Enter
Marshal R.U.E. with business of making a pinch. After filing the usual
protests we were haled before the Magistrate. Here's a copy of the
testimony:
Marshal--Judge, Your Honor, these prisoners are charged with
defacing landmarks, violating the pure food law, exceeding the
speed limit and disorderly conduct. Judge, Your Honor, these
miscreants defaced our landmarks by drinking the only bottle of
champagne wine that has ever been in our village--the bottle that
for so long has graced the window of our leading hotel and was
looked on with pride and reverence by the townspeople. A bottle
that has been cherished for generations until these monsters came
with their ill-gotten gold and purchased same.
They violated the pure food law by drinking said bottle of
champagne which has been proven by the State Board of Examiners to
contain 18 per cent. alcohol. The aforesaid prisoners exceeded the
speed limit by rushing through our quiet streets at a terrific
pace, to the danger of the lives and limbs of our wives and
children.
The prisoners at the bar are charged with disorderly conduct by the
following facts: They emptied said bottle of champagne, which was
reputed to hold one quart.
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